The Politics of Victimization
November 30, 2004
Mathew Gross: The Politics of Victimization - [Mel Gilles, who has worked for many years as an advocate for victims of domestic abuse, draws some parallels between her work and the reaction of many Democrats to the election.-- Mathew Gross]Watch Dan Rather apologize for not getting his facts straight, humiliated before the eyes of America, voluntarily undermining his credibility and career of over thirty years. Observe Donna Brazille squirm as she is ridiculed by Bay Buchanan, and pronounced irrelevant and nearly non-existent. Listen as Donna and Nancy Pelosi and Senator Charles Schumer take to the airwaves saying that they have to go back to the drawing board and learn from their mistakes and try to be better, more likable, more appealing, have a stronger message, speak to morality. Watch them awkwardly quote the bible, trying to speak the new language of America. Surf the blogs, and read the comments of dismayed, discombobulated, confused individuals trying to figure out what they did wrong. Hear the cacophony of voices, crying out, "Why did they beat me?"
And then ask anyone who has ever worked in a domestic violence shelter if they have heard this before.
They will tell you, every single day.
The answer is quite simple. They beat us because they are abusers. We can call it hate. We can call it fear. We can say it is unfair. But we are looped into the cycle of violence, and we need to start calling the dominating side what they are: abusive. And we need to recognize that we are the victims of verbal, mental, and even, in the case of Iraq, physical violence.
As victims we can't stop asking ourselves what we did wrong. We can't seem to grasp that they will keep hitting us and beating us as long as we keep sticking around and asking ourselves what we are doing to deserve the beating.
Listen to George Bush say that the will of God excuses his behavior. Listen, as he refuses to take responsibility, or express remorse, or even once, admit a mistake. Watch him strut, and tell us that he will only work with those who agree with him, and that each of us is only allowed one question (soon, it will be none at all; abusers hit hard when questioned; the press corps can tell you that). See him surround himself with only those who pledge oaths of allegiance. Hear him tell us that if we will only listen and do as he says and agree with his every utterance, all will go well for us (it won't; we will never be worthy).
And watch the Democratic Party leadership walk on eggshells, try to meet him, please him, wash the windows better, get out that spot, distance themselves from gays and civil rights. See them cry for the attention and affection and approval of the President and his followers. Watch us squirm. Watch us descend into a world of crazy-making, where logic does not work and the other side tells us we are nuts when we rely on facts. A world where, worst of all, we begin to believe we are crazy.
How to break free? Again, the answer is quite simple.
First, you must admit you are a victim. Then, you must declare the state of affairs unacceptable. Next, you must promise to protect yourself and everyone around you that is being victimized. You don't do this by responding to their demands, or becoming more like them, or engaging in logical conversation, or trying to persuade them that you are right. You also don't do this by going catatonic and resigned, by closing up your ears and eyes and covering your head and submitting to the blows, figuring its over faster and hurts less is you don't resist and fight back. Instead, you walk away. You find other folks like yourself, 56 million of them, who are hurting, broken, and beating themselves up. You tell them what you've learned, and that you aren't going to take it anymore. You stand tall, with 56 million people at your side and behind you, and you look right into the eyes of the abuser and you tell him to go to hell. Then you walk out the door, taking the kids and gays and minorities with you, and you start a new life. The new life is hard. But it's better than the abuse.
We have a mandate to be as radical and liberal and steadfast as we need to be. The progressive beliefs and social justice we stand for, our core, must not be altered. We are 56 million strong. We are building from the bottom up. We are meeting, on the net, in church basements, at work, in small groups, and right now, we are crying, because we are trying to break free and we don't know how.
Any battered woman in America, any oppressed person around the globe who has defied her oppressor will tell you this: There is nothing wrong with you. You are in good company. You are safe. You are not alone. You are strong. You must change only one thing: stop responding to the abuser. Don't let him dictate the terms or frame the debate (he'll win, not because he's right, but because force works). Sure, we can build a better grassroots campaign, cultivate and raise up better leaders, reform the election system to make it failproof, stick to our message, learn from the strategy of the other side. But we absolutely must dispense with the notion that we are weak, godless, cowardly, disorganized, crazy, too liberal, naive, amoral, "loose", irrelevant, outmoded, stupid and soon to be extinct. We have the mandate of the world to back us, and the legacy of oppressed people throughout history.
Even if you do everything right, they'll hit you anyway. Look at the poor souls who voted for this nonsense. They are working for six dollars an hour if they are working at all, their children are dying overseas and suffering from lack of health care and a depleted environment and a shoddy education. And they don't even know they are being hit.
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This is my weblog - a place for me to write about whatever interests me. The topic is a wildcard, but is likely to be about UI Design, Usability, Web Standards, Photography, Music, Politics, etc. Every once in a while even a little politics. Expect anything.
right on.
the only good that can come of this election is that it spark real action and coalition building to fight back.
i have to admit that i bristle at the comparison of folks who are bummed out by the election to battered women in a downward spiral of self-blame, but maybe that's just my hangup. i don't think kerry lost, for one thing (at least i don't think we know yet), but heck, kerry was a pro-war candidate anyway. i was backing a "loser" the whole time, and it's not like the bushes and cheneys of the world were going to roll over and die just because they lost the white house. a kerry win wasn't going to usher in a new era of progressive change, and frankly the same problems would still exist.
but i'm all for looking for ways to motivate folks (myself included).
Well said.
Yeah, I try to be wary of using violence as an analogy, too. However, I think that it's probably more healthy to talk about abuse openly - even in the context of a metaphor - than it is to walk on eggshells all the time, avoiding the harsh reality that abuse is all around us.
I guess I generally fall into the camp of preferring that things are talked about, even at the cost of being somewhat disprespectful (to an extent).
But I didn't think that this essay was disrespectful. The psychology of abuse is valid in situations outside of physical violence, I think.
I found it interesting and not disrespectful.
I think it's great. It sums up how I feel -- frustrated, opressed, defeated. Also, this is why I like Howard Dean so much. He doesn't apologize for being a democrat.
At least Bush can't run for another term, and Cheney already announced he won't seek a presidency....that practically guarantees better candidates next time.
i didn't think it was disrespectful (though i can see how one might); it just didn't ring true to me. i guess i'm reading different stuff, or just not as up on how democrats are responding, but i personally don't feel abused by the election results, i didn't think dan rather retired because of one measley story, i haven't been listening to nancy pelosi and i didn't recognize most of the other names in the article. am i upset? sure. i'm also more cynical about the possibility of fair and open elections. but i don't feel like i need to start acting more "religious" or whatever wack nonsense these folks seem to believe. i liked Dean too, and don't believe for one minute that that so called "scream" had anything to do with his campaign's demise.
anyway, i didn't find it offensive, just don't necessarily agree with the premise.
Outstanding! Is this original work?
duh, sorry.
Not the election results -- the election process is abusive. Anyway, the stronger point is that we are acting like victims. And by "we" I don't mean Sonya and Ned, I mean democrats in general terms. It's infuriating! I've actually heard democrats say that we just need someone less intelligent because Kerry came off too smug. WHAT????
yeah, i agree sonya. i guess when people talk about what democrats and the democratic party needs to do i don't think of myself since i'm not active in the demo party. talking about who the democrats should run feels like talking about the weather sometimes; i have as much influence (and understanding of the process, for that matter).
But I don't think that hords of "average joe" republicans are getting out and campaigning. It's all about the messaging on TV and the smear/spin campaigns. I don't blame myself for not knocking on doors. I really have my doubts as to whether that would really change anything. I think people depend on the media in all it's various forms to make their decisions. Why listen to my thoughts on John Kerry when you can turn on the TV and hear from him directly? BTW, I think he did a fine job of laying out his agenda without resorting to a lot of mud slinging. That's why I'm so depressed! Because I think we did do a good job and still lost.
"I think we did do a good job and still lost." I just don't feel like part of the "we" in that sentiment. if i'd worked the campaign i'm sure i'd feel differently.
(and at the risk of repeating myself, just because Kerry quit doesn't mean that he lost, except in the sense that quitters never win; maybe this is part of his stealth strategy to contest the election via 3rd parties, but i'm not holding my breath)
anyway, i don't feel any need to "dispense with the notion that we are weak, godless, cowardly, disorganized, crazy, too liberal, naive, amoral, “loose”, irrelevant, outmoded, stupid and soon to be extinct"; because i never felt that way. the point of the article i DO agree with is: "We have a mandate to be as radical and liberal and steadfast as we need to be." (that's the part I don't live up to) i feel like we probably see eye to eye on this stuff, i'm just not doing very well with this whole typing thing.
B-(
I guess I misused "we". I should have said "they" - meaning Kerry, Edwards, Dean, Sharpton, etc. I think the difference in our perspectives may be that I tend to think very generally, in black-and-white extremes. (Which is probably not good.) To me, it's like this:
Bush followers = them
Anyone anti-Bush = us
I realize how limiting that is but I also think that it's an example of how polarized the country is right now. I don't think I'm the only one.
You really don't think that Americans don't find Democrats to be weak, godless, and too liberal? I think they do.
I think most Rebublicans are the godless ones. The opposite of love is fear. Peace out, brother.
forget that second "don't". whoops!
While it doesn't relate to this journal entry, I don't know how to post comments about your side links, so I'll do that here.
I think you owe it to everyone who visits your blog to post, even if temporarily, a picture or two of your "indulgence session" last Friday. You know what I'm talking about, the Monster Thick Burger!!! Those are classic. See ya---
Shouldn't this stoy be a side link? I thought that's where you put all your unoriginal content. Have you resorted to cutting and pasting others' writings into your blogs because you're too lame to write something yourself? :P
Chris, are you going to put an rss link on your site? Oh, never mind, I'm an IDIOT and didn't see that you've had feeds for more than TWO F*CKING YEARS!