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Letter to Ellie - Year Three

January 24, 2006

Today you are three years old. And you are a bright, independent and assertive little girl. You love to be helpful and are very determined to do as much as you can for yourself. As of late, when I’m getting ready to leave for work you will scan my lunchbox to ensure that there is enough food for me. You’ll ask if I’d like a piece of string cheese (I always say “yes”) and eagerly retrieve it from the fridge and packing it up before sending me on my way. You’re also very complimentary, often telling your Momma how good her dinner is and saying “Please” and “Thank You”. Okay, not so much the “Please’s” but you’re pretty good about the “Thank You’s”.

You are a great big sister to Ethan. You are very nurturing to him and eager to help your mother and I with anything he needs. You even made a calendar in order to track his physical therapy. Ethan loves you so much. He beams in excitement and easily bursts into laughter more easily for you than anyone else. Lacey would probably come in a close second, but it’s obvious that he will emulate and look up to you for a long time. So, keep it up.

You’re also pretty difficult at times. You can be very bossy and are extraordinarily strong-willed. You can blame your mother and me for these traits which anyone who knows us would have believed we had nearly perfected. But natural selection marches on and you display these traits with more vigor than anyone could have predicted. Your intelligence and strong will leads you to invent wild excuses for not going to bed or taking naps, which drives your mother and me crazy because we just need a break every once in a while and who the hell doesn’t love naps?! Seriously. One of these days you’re really going to want a nap and not be able to take one, so I’m only trying to help you by advising that you go to your room right now and lay down. For the love of God, please.

Three years seems like a fairly short period of time to me when I think of it as just a number. But when I try to remember what life was like before you were born, I struggle to identify with the memories of what seems like a previous life.

And this is because having children is such a radical shift in a person’s life. Your life as an individual ceases to exist in the context of free will. Now, the needs, wants and demands of your children dominate your days and nights. This may seem like a dramatic explanation, but you will surely understand this better when/if you have your own children. And I hope that some day you choose to do so, because that’s the thing: raising kids is the hardest and the most rewarding thing that I believe we can do as living beings. I don’t think I would have believed this until I had kids, but I believe it to be true now. Children test you every day to act without regard for yourself, which is an amazingly difficult thing to do. I don’t think I’ve ever gotten it completely right, but I’ve had some pretty good days.

And for every test there is an immediate reward. Watching you grow and learn new things on your journey to becoming the person that you will be is the greatest joy I’ve ever experienced. It is one that your mother and I feel blessed to share in as your parents. And having you around helps us grow and learn which means more than I can articulate. I can only express my love and gratitude for having you in my life.

So, Happy Birthday Ellie. I love you.